Deewane Huye Paagal (2005) – Abridged Review

Vivek Oberoi: They said they’ll sign me for Fool n Final if I succeed in this screen test.

Character Intros:

  • Scientist Khuraana – Forgetful scientist creates elixir of youth, locks formula in a vault, tells password to his pet plastic parrot toy. (yes)
    Evil Khuraaana – Evil twin, wants to be young again coz jawaani.
  • Jr. Khuraana – wants to sell said elixir to chinese mafia for lulz (and a lot of money)
  • Step Jr. Khuraana – born out of an affair, stereotypically South Indian, is in lust with Tanya
  • Karan – Alone, Student, Part-time waiter, Full-time stalker
  • Tanya – Hottest Girl in college, Rimi Sen, Talented singer who dances and still wins awards for music
Background: Subramanium creeps out Tanya by ragging her mentally ill bro. Karan to the rescue creates avenues for friendship.  Fakes his birthday to invite Tanya for dinner. She goes gift shopping and meanwhile… Scientist Khuraana is killed off for formula by Jr. (evil) Khuraana. Evil Khuraana till then drops the parrot toy in Tanya’s car. She also witnesses the murder. Evil Jr. chases her but she escapes with her bro to Dubai. Changes name to Natasha. Karan is KLPD’d.

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3 years later the story begins.

Karan: I is sad, 3 years since KLPD and no Tanya. My L is still K.

Murugan: No difficulty.

Karan: STFU, found out from common friends that she’s in Dubai bruh, let’s go chasing tail!

Murugan: BRUH! Difficulty no.6- No passport

Karan: RATION CARD, FTW!

Murugan: SMH, get your citizen shit together while I commission a criminal to stalk her for you

Karan:  ….

Murugan: ….

Enter Rocky, and also the first ear-bleeder of the movie. Dude dances with dancers on Anu Malik’s un-auto-tuned voice coz that’s what gangstas do. Get’s into a fight for money coz that’s precisely what gangstas do.

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Rocky: dafuq you want SRK knock off?

Karan: Find my chick, take my tota

Rocky: Tota?

Karan: Tota-lly

Rocky: SMH. 1 lakh rs. + Service tax and Swach Bharat Cess + F&B

Karan: K

Murugan: Difficulty no. 16 nigga be spendin’ my hard-earned money on absconded bitches. Not sure if sad or proud.

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Dubai:

Rocky w/ Vijay Raaz: She hot bro.

Karan: She got Djibouti?

Murugan: Shi du?

Rocky: She fat and crippled and mother of 6 and prego with 7th belonging to a Don and I’m not making this up, if facebook existed I’d be irrelevant trust me pls.

Karan: ….

Murugan: That is such difficulty. Let’s GTFO

Rocky: Dumbf’s now she all mine and I got money too.

Karan: Hey I saw a picture of her from 30 feet away and it’s her and she’s a singer and her name is now Natasha and it’s not Rocky’s fault coz homeboy researched the wrong girl.

Murugan: No difficulty! Except our stuff’s loaded into the flight and we just missed it.

Karan: ….

Rocky: Baby girl imma save you from goons and i’m also an architect like you wanted. Netflix and chill?

NaTanya: k.

Character Intro 3:

Tommy: I’m tommy I pretend to be crippled and mentally ill to stay with NaTanya coz she has a soft spot since her bro died.

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Aunty: Aunty, together they have a dog Jayantilal who’s da the real MVP, can judge character and shit, but has a history of drug abuse.

Jayantilal: *Woofies*

Rocky: Hey Jayantilal!

Tommy: Bastard i’m tommy the dog’s Jayantilal FO.

Rocky: Imma drug the dog so that he can’t judge my true character. AIN’T I THE DANKEST?

Vijay Raaz: Agreed.

Rocky: Hey Jayantilal, call me the postman coz I be deliverin.

Jayantilal: Preach mah homie, feed me that dope.

NaTanya + Aunty: Hey you be so good with dogs he barely movin!

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Rocky: Dafuq he’s OD’d

Jayantilal: bruh tell mama I’m in the army.

Rocky: Get me a complicated and revolting concoction that needs enough involvement for the two of you to leave the room.

NaTanya + Aunty: Kkk

Rocky: WAKE UP DAMN DOG YOU CAN’T OD IN MY ARMS I HAVE A GIRL TO SEDUCE

Jayantilal: I see the light.

Rocky: I WILL ELECTROCUTE YOUR GENDER OUTTA YOUR BENDER

Jayantilal: ….

Rocky: HOLY SHIT YOU ON FIRE LET ME DAB YOU WITH SOME WATER

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Jayantilal: JEEZ I HAVE THE WEIRDEST MUNCHIES. DO I SMELL HOT DOG?

Rocky: That was close, Need to GTFO before they notice the burnt fur.

Enter SANJU who pretends to be a cripple too coz apparently NaTanya has a type.

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NaTanya: Hey fam, finally found a keeper.

SANJU:
But he murderer. Rocky sucks.

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NaTanya: Damn i can’t catch a break can i?

Rocky: FML I’m not a murdered I’m just a con. I murder hopes and dreams dammit.

NaTanya: GTFO my backup is here. O hai karan.

Karan: Doesn’t matter got laid.

Rocky: IMMA KILL YOU SANJU. YOU SPREAD LIES. LIES!!

Sanju: Uh-oh

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Rocky: DAMMIT ARE WE ALL LIARS HERE? Let’s start a club homeboys!

Tommy: About time!

Sanju: Phew! K.

Meanwhile,

NaTanya: Tommy reminds me of my bro, so he is bro

Sanju loves me too much, like a sister.

Sanju: BC

NaTanya: Rocky is creepy AF. He lie. And now I got you, let’s go home…

Karan: K

Hera Pheri crew: Let’s sabotage, entourage!

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Hera Pheri crew: YEAH!

Hera Pheri crew: Let’s screw with the dog so that he screws with them yo.

Dog goes for it not coz he a dog but coz he has serious problem. Aunt goes for it coz she loves the shugaaa too. The couple shows up to this frenzy

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Dog vs Human: Round 1 FIGHT!

HUMAN USES EYE POKE

*blocked*

DOGGY USES NUTCRACKER
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*it’s super effective*

HUMAN TOSSES DOG OUT THE WINDOW ALONG WITH HIS MANHOOD. NOBODY WINS.

Even an Injured dog couldn’t stop Karan from scoring tho…

ANU MALIK SINGING SONG WITHOUT AUTO-TUNE. (Those were tough times guys)

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21st CENTURY ROMANCE, EVERYBODY.

MURUGAN: TIME TO PROPOOOSE, I want something good to come out of this! #NoDifficulty

Karan: Hey babe. Great weekend and all, nice song and feels, let’s

NaTanya: U SENT ROCKY.

Karan: No, actually yes

NaTanya: U LET A MURDERER STALK ME. GTFO. What you thought sardaar khush hoga?

Sidhu: Mohatarma waise hasee toh bahut aayi

NaTanya: FO

Murugan: DAMMIT

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GANGSTAS: We taken away NaTanya coz she witnessed us committing a crime three years ago but still didn’t snitch on us but she also has our parrot which has the password.

Aunty: If we let you take her away will you please shut up?

GANGSTAS: Yes ma’am.

Aunty: Take it and go.

Elaborate chase sequence with sand bikers and other Dubai stereotypes with no protagonist casualties later.

EVERY GUY but Karan: WE LOVE YOU NaTANYA, MAKE A DECISH.

Karan: You should go back to your ex. Plumber-Sanju lied about his drug habits.

DEEWANE

Aftab Shivdasani: I’m sober y’all. *Sniff*

Jayantilal: bro you just snorted my poo. you pathological!

NaTanya: Thanks but no thanks. Pikachu i choose you. Come let me make your bulbasaur.

Karan: MEOWTH.

HATERS: Romantic loving is a rollercoaster ride of ecstasy and agony. It throws us up into the clouds in one moment, and the next it pushes us over… … into the abyssFalling in love feels like we have found our other half. Yet, romance is, unfortunately, as insecure as a love lock on a Parisian bridge.

VIVEK OBEROI: So I’m in right? Is it Fool n Final now? Haha get it?

-Fin.

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